Honestly. The only reason why I am writing this today, is because of my commitment to blog every day as part of a writing mentorship I am doing. Today has been a difficult one. Last night, as I lay awake listening to Storm Ciara shaking Britain, the storm in my heart was even more relentless.
It’s been a difficult few months, with many different demands on my time, energy and emotions and I have found myself in the clutches of an old familiar habit again. Although I don’t feel the mental and emotional torment of my food issues, like I did when I was younger, the physical impact of it has been a little daunting. I know what I am doing is not good for me, and yet, it seems almost impossible to stop.
I recognise myself in the woman at Jacob’s well (John 4). Drawing water from a well that couldn’t quench the thirst in her heart. But then she met Someone, who confronted her issue. She had adjusted her life to make room for her brokenness. She tried to hide it behind theology. But Jesus called it out, so that he could heal her heart. I know that it is in those moments when I feel that I am empty, that I reach for things that cannot really satisfy my thirst.
It’s hard sometimes to confront the reasons behind the behaviour. It’s much easier to numb the feelings than face them. My heart was aching as I watched a recent interview with Jessica Simpson. She was sharing how she had to let go of her dependency on alcohol and face the pain that she had been hiding all her life. I knew her, even though I haven’t met her. I heard her fearlessly share her story, and it was a very familiar one, even though our substance of choice was different. She said something, that resonated and challenged me:
“The other side of fear is so beautiful. That is when you get the reward.” – Jessica Simpson
It’s much easier to hide behind your baggage, than to unpack it and let go of the unnecessary stuff you are carrying. The offense. The pain. The disappointment. The self-loathing. Those all need to be confronted. It’s best done with Jesus. It’s easier to let go when you know there is Living Water waiting on the other side.
What is keeping me from going to the Well? Is it shame? Guilt? Fear? Facing your demons are scary. Feeding them may keep them quiet for a while, but it won’t get rid of them. You need Jesus for that. One thing I have learned is that I am not able to do it myself. But I do need the courage to confront the issue. I need to go to the Well, and ask for Living Water.
Jesus was not shocked by the Samaritan woman’s past. He was not ashamed to be seen with her. He was there, waiting for her, because he loved her, even in her brokenness. He wanted to give her Water for her thirsty heart. She had been looking for the one who would give her peace. She thought she found him when she married her first husband, but he wasn’t the one. Neither was the second, or the third. But Jesus found her and said: “I am the One you are looking for.”
Are you looking for Peace? I am. Somewhere, I have lost mine. I need time to sit at the Well. I need Living Water. I have to take my baggage and lay it all out before Jesus. I have to be brave and face each burden that I have been dragging along. I don’t want to. But I know that, that is the only way to get to the good part: healing and restoration.
Jesus is more than enough. He does not give us just a cup, he will come like a flood! Just like the storm outside, brought rivers of water moving through our streets, his Living Water will flood our hearts if we turn to him in our storm. We just stop hiding behind theology. We just need to open our hearts and we will see: He is the One we have been looking for.
This is my prayer, echoed in the words of Paul praying for the church in Ephesus:
“So I kneel humbly in awe before the Father of our Lord Jesus, the Messiah, the perfect Father of every father and child in heaven and on the earth. And I pray that he would unveil within you the unlimited riches of his glory and favor until supernatural strength floods your innermost being with his divine might and explosive power. Then, by constantly using your faith, the life of Christ will be released deep inside you, and the resting place of his love will become the very source and root of your life. Then you will be empowered to discover what every holy one experiences—the great magnitude of the astonishing love of Christ in all its dimensions. How deeply intimate and far-reaching is his love! How enduring and inclusive it is! Endless love beyond measurement that transcends our understanding—this extravagant love pours into you until you are filled to overflowing with the fullness of God!”
Ephesians 3:14-19 TPT
May we take our thirsty hearts to the Well of Living Water, and allow him to pour his love into us. So much, that we become bodies flooded with his love.
Today, I see Jesus sitting at the Well: “Beautiful One, there is no reason to fear. I am here to satisfy your thirsty heart. I am the One you have been looking for. The only One who can give you what your heart desires. True satisfaction. Peace. Open your heart and allow me to pour my love into you, until you become whole. Healed. A body, flooded with my love. I am more than enough. Let me love all your broken pieces back together. For I am not only able, but willing to do so. You are my Beloved. My heart’s desire is to see you rise up in the perfection that I created you to walk in. There is so much love for you to experience. So much joy. So much peace. Just take the first step. I am right here waiting for you.” ❤