Love Song

Sitting on the floor, in the middle of my bedroom, tears were streaming down my face. He had just left, after breaking up with me. Again! My heart and my hopes were shattered into pieces of “what ifs” and “why nots.” I knew he wasn’t the one, but I desperately needed him to be. The one who would be able to help me believe that I was lovely. The one who would say to the world: “her heart is worth fighting for!”

The mess I found myself in, wasn’t his fault. I knew that I had lost my way a long time ago. I split paths with God some years before this heart-wreck, and the worst part is I did it to follow this boy. Some days I wondered if I had ever really been on God’s path for my life at all. He felt so distant. And I felt so lost. As I sat weeping on the floor, my heart caught the lyrics of a song playing on my stereo:

“You ask me where to begin
Am I so lost in my sin
You ask me where did I fall
I’ll say I can’t tell you when
But if my spirit is lost
How will I find what is near
Don’t question I’m not alone
Somehow I’ll find my way home…”

(Songwriters: Evangelos Papathanassiou / Jon AndersonI’ll Find My Way Home lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner/Chappell Music, Inc)

You could barely hear it, but in between the sobs I whispered along with the lyrics: “I’ll find my way home.” It was more than just a song. It was a repentant heart crying out to her First Love. I didn’t know how to get where I needed to be, but I knew enough to know where to turn. I wasn’t ready to face the music yet. All I could do was glance in his direction. But it was enough for him to notice.

“You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace.”
Song of Songs 4:9 NIV

I scraped myself off the bedroom floor and crawled into bed. Tired out from the build up of months of emotional exhaustion, I fell asleep within seconds. When I woke up I was still the old me! Apart from my dating status, nothing changed. I was still a mess. Now, a single mess. But something was different. New desires started to wake in me. Things that I thought I could never let go of, suddenly lost their attraction.

Thirsty. There was something in my soul that needed to be quenched. Like the woman at the well who went to draw water from the well, and found Living Water waiting there for her. A woman who had been looking for the one. The one who would say: “your heart is worth fighting for!”

She didn’t recognise him at first. She thought he was all about religious practice, but then he surprised her. He knew her. He knew her more intimately than any man she had been with. And he loved her. He was the One. And her thirsty heart was quenched in his endless love.

That night, on my bedroom floor, whispering along to my Love Song, my journey towards the well of Living Water had only just begun. I knew I needed something. And my thirsty heart lead me to Someone. Someone who knew me better than any other human being ever could. Somone who laid down his life for me, saying: “her heart is worth dying for!”

Every day, since then, has taken me one step closer to him. Looking back now, I can see that he had always been there, leading me towards freedom. Leading me towards his endless love. But I didn’t have eyes to see, or ears to hear. Until one day, when all the struggles, disappointments and pain of the past, started falling like notes on a music sheet, into the most beautiful Love Song.

“He stooped down to lift me out of danger from the desolate pit I was in, out of the muddy mess I had fallen into. Now he’s lifted me up into a firm, secure place and steadied me while I walk along his ascending path. A new song for a new day rises up in me every time I think about how he breaks through for me! Ecstatic praise pours out of my mouth until everyone hears how God has set me free. Many will see his miracles; they’ll stand in awe of God and fall in love with him!”
Psalms 40:2‭-‬3 TPT

There are still days when I look for affirmation and love from empty wells. From people or places that aren’t able to offer my heart the satisfaction or comfort it needs. Those are the moments, when I sit down and listen to my Love Song:

“My sun shall rise in the east
So shall my heart be at peace
And if you’re asking me when
I’ll say it starts at the end
You know your will to be free
Is matched with love secretly
And talk will alter your prayer
Somehow you’ll find you are there…”

(Songwriters: Evangelos Papathanassiou / Jon AndersonI’ll Find My Way Home lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner/Chappell Music, Inc)

If your heart is thirsty tonight, can I encourage you to just glace in His direction. Invite him to lead you to the Well. Where he will give you Living Water that satisfy every desire of your soul. Let him tell you things about you, that no human being could ever know.

Hear him say: “your heart is worth dying for!”

HeartPrint:

Today, I see Jesus sitting at the well. Looking at me with fiery eyes of love: “Beautiful One! You have captured my heart, with one glance of your eyes. To me you are perfect, I find no flaw in you. To be here with you, is my greatest reward. To hear your voice, as you share your heart, is my greatest delight. Let me show you the beauty within your heart. A heart that was worth dying for. A heart, that only I can love back to life. You are mine, Beloved, and I am yours. Always.”